Lost My Mind
by Shirsim
Summary: 'Blackness. Blackness was everything, and everywhere. And Alec liked it. Ever since Valentine had kidnapped him, blackness was his only retreat. His only escape from the torture and the pain.' Alec was kidnapped, but after he's rescued, things don't go so smoothly as everyone thought. Rated T to be safe, Sorry I'm bad at summaries :\ MALEC
1. Chapter 1: Let the Tale Begin

**Hello fellow readers!**

 **This is my first time posting a fic, so I would really appreciate if you could review and point out any mistakes.**

 **Also criticism is very welcome, and appreciated! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 1: Let the Tale Begin

Blackness.

Blackness was everything, and everywhere.

And Alec liked it. Ever since Valentine had kidnapped him, blackness was his only retreat. His only escape from the torture and the pain.

Valentine had kidnap him a few days ago. What he wanted with him? Alec could only guess that he wanted to use him to get to Jace, but he didn't see how torturing him would help. That was probably just a bonus.

The big door to the room he was held in opened, spilling a pool of light into darkness. Alec unwillingly blinked his eyes open. As tired and weak as he was, after starving and freezing for days, he could still feel his muscles tensing as two figures walked into the room. That only meant that Valentine haven't had enough fun yet.

They left him so weak they didn't bother tying him up. So as he was leaning on the wall behind him, hands and legs uncomfortably sprawled on the floor, all he could think about is that he could get away.

"Alec?" There was a soft, unsure voice. Not hard and cold as Valentine's. But Alec didn't notice, he was consumed with panic and busy trying to find a way to get away. He didn't think he could take the pain, he had to get out.

He pressed himself against the wall, trying to get further away from the two figures. But they kept getting closer.

"Please," Alec croaked. He hated how weak it was, how broken. "Please, not more." He pleaded. He felt pathetic. Pleading for the his life like this. For a second he was glad no one could see how he failed at being strong, like a true Shadowhunter should.

"Alec." The voice came again. More certain this time. And Alec, for a second, thought it was familiar.

Suddenly the two figures hurried over to him, and panic rose in him again, stronger.

Hand flying up to protect himself, Alec let out a shakey kind of sound, a broken sound. He tried getting to the further corner of the room, struggling as everything hurt.

He felt a cold hand on his shoulder and he tensed up even more.

"Alec, it's me." Another voice, female voice, said. Concern and hurt was soaked all over the three words. "It's us. Isabelle and Jace."

Alec slowely and shakely put his hands down from his face, trying to see if they were really there. And god, did he look aweful. His face was ghostly pale with dark circles under his eyes, he was covered with bruises, cuts and blood all the way down to his bare torso.

And there they were, looking concerned and tired but fine. Jace with his gold hair and big, worried eyes. Alec turned he's head, and saw Isabelle, black hair bouncing of her shoulder and concern written all over her face.

Alec could almost not believe it.

 _This is a trick, it can't be real. Don't let him fool you Alec._

But he wanted to believe so bad. He wanted it to be real, he wanted it so much he couldn't help but let hope flutter up in him.

"I-Izzy?" Alec's choked out, his throat tight and aching.

"Yes." She nodded, her throat tight as well, tears welling up in her eyes. "Yes, Alec, it's me."

Alec didn't know he was crying till he felt a hand wiping away his tears. He turned to look at Jace, still trying to make himself believe this was really them.

"We're here to take you home." Jace said, a sad smile on his lips.

"Guys,"

Another voice Alec had recognized rose from the door way. One, Alec was surprised to admit, that he was glad to hear.

He looked over Jace's shoulder to see Clary's head popping from behind the wall. "We have to move, Valentine will be back soon."

Jace looked back at Alec for a second more before moving towards him, reaching him with his arms. He took Alec's left hand and put it around his shoulder, putting his other arm around his waist. And with one slow move they both stood up.

Isabelle looked at Alec with concern as Alec groand in pain, but he quickly made sure to reassure her with a mumbled "I'm fine."

The three stalked out of the room, towards Clary. Jace behind Isabelle, slower than usual for half dragging Alec. As they got out of the room, Clary's eyes grew wide at the sight of Alec. But she kept quiet, knowing they didn't have time to dwell on Alec's health state at the moment.

As they all made their way down the big hallway of the warehouse, Alec looked around to see unconscious men sprawled all over the place. Or, at least he thought they were unconscious.

They got out of the warehouse into a dark, big and vacant street. It seemed like the place was deserted. No lights were lit from windows or street lamps, and the place looked trashed and messy, like noone walked these streets for years.

And it all suddenly seemed too easy. Alec realized, as the same wash of doubt from before came crushing on him. There's no way they just walked in and out like that with no real issues.

Alec stopped walking suddenly, making Jace stop with him. Jace looked back at him.

"Alec what's wrong?" Jace sounded rushed but worried. Alec pulled his hand away from Jace's shoulder, trying to get out of his grip, as they all turned to look at him.

"How.." Alec started, but felt as if he was choked. "How do I know you're real?"

He looked at them, Clary noticed, with fear or confusion. Or something in between.

"Alec, come on, we have to move." Jace, as distressed as he was, still knew they had no time to chat now.

"No, this," Alec started again, backing up a bit. "This could be a trick." He said. He's knees buckled, and he gripped the wall nearest to him to catch himself from falling. With black spots threatening to take him away to unconsciousness again, Alec knew he couldn't hold himself up. His knees gave out and he let the wall go. Isabelle moved to catch him, but Jace was already there, holding him up.

"It's us, Alec." Jace said reassuringly. "Can't you feel it?" He asked, his hand hovering over Alec's lower abdomen, just above his _parabtai_ rune.

Alec looked down at Jace's hand, the black spots dancing all around his vision. He put his own hand on the rune. He did feel it, it was really Jace. The doubt slowly found it's way out of Alec's mind, but before he could say something, the black spots took over. And as Jace cought him, Alec slipped away into unconsciousness once more.


	2. Chapter 2: Relief, Agony, and Relief

**Hello! Just wanted to say thank you for the favs, follows and reviews!**

 **They're not much but they mean the world to me!**

 **Anyway here's Chapter 2, sorry for any mistakes!**

Chapter 2: Relief, Agony and Relief 

By the time Alec opened his eyes, it was already bright outside. The sun was high in the sky, spilling waves of light on the streets and through the window of the infirmary.

As Alec stirred and blinked open his eyes, adjusting to the shining light after so many days of nothing but darkness, he felt someone sqeeze his hand and looked up to see Magnus. Magnus, with his worried features shone like a star in the night. A healed spot in a painful place.

"Alexander?" Magnus's voice was no more than a whisper, but Alec cought it.

"Magnus." Alec said weakly. He found that it was much easier for him to speak, reliefe have taken over all of the pain and tightness he have felt for the past days. He figured it was the work of a few dozen _iratzes._ But even with most of it gone, he still felt extremely exhausted, and the dull ache in his head wasn't helping.

Magnus hand reflexivly squeezed Alec's hand once again, and he couldn't help the warm feeling in his chest spread when Alec squeezed back. He let out a huff of reliefe and smiled sweetly down at his boyfriend's face, who only looked tired and a bit confused.

"How long was I out?" Alec asked, the sight of Magnus face told him it wasn't a bit.

"A day, you should feel much better now." Magnus replied, leaning a bit further into his chair, now relieved that Alec is awake and speaking.

"I do." Alec smiled at Magnus, knowing he must've been worried. He hated having people he cared for worried about him, so seeing Magnus smile and relax meant a lot.

"You look tired, you should get some sleep."

Magnus chuckled. "You're the one to talk."

The warlock reached his free hand and ran his hand gently through Alec's hair. Smile deepening when Alec closed his eyes and leamed to the touch.

"Hey." A voice came along with the sound of footsteps. Alec's eyes flew open to look over to the similar voice. Jace seemed to startle at that, but regaind his posture quickly. "You're awake." He broke into a smile.

Alec smiled back at him, bright eyes genuinely relaxed for the first time in a few days.

Jace hurried over to the side opposite of Magnus, who drew his hand away from Alec's hair, but never leaved his hand.

"How are you feeling?" Jace's grin seemed to relax his tense features, but Alec could see right through that. He could see that Jace was as exhausted as Magnus must be, and as worried. He felt a wave of gulit suddenly, guilt for having his family worried for him. He had to make them believe he was okay.

"I'm fine." He replied with a soft smile, happy to see some tension leave Jace's face and shoulders. "That's good, big brother." Jace put his hand on Alec shoulder. "I'll go tell Isabelle." Jace stepped back, his grin going back to a small smile. "It's good to have you back." He said finally and made his way out of the infirmary, Alec's eyes not leaving his back until he couldn't see him anymore.

Alec turned back to his boyfriend, who was now tiredly leaning his face on his free hand, still smiling at Alec.

Alec let out a small chuckle, he rocked Magnus's hand with his gently. "Serisouly Magnus, I'm okay, go home, sleep."

Magnus closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled. He _was_ exhausted. But he couldn't leave, not yet. He waited a _very_ long day for Alec to wake up. Checking and rechecking and checking again for injuries he missed the first time and have yet to heal. He wasn't gonna let go now that Alec finally woke up and he could relax, just a bit.

He opened his eyes and stared right into Alec's. "No, it's okay." He reassured Alec.

It was then that the doors to the infirmary flew open and Isabelle Lightwood burst into the room. She practically flew to Alec's bed, standing by his side opposite of Magnus.

"You're awake!" Izzy somehow managed to shudder and squeel from the sentence at the same time. She quickly but carfully hugged him from the side, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Alec put his arm around her. He missed her, he missed her so much the relife of hugging her hurt.

"How are you?" She asked as she drew away, and as Jace and Clary came into the infirmary.

"I'm alright." Alec replied, looking from her to Jace and Clary. Clary gave him a half-uneasy half-warm smile, obviously feeling torn between awkward and worried. Alec gave her a ghost of a smile in return. Things between them were good, but they were still learning to warm up to each other.

There was a slightly awkward silence followed by that, and Alec shifted in his bed, suddenly feeling uneasy with all the eyes on him. Magnus seemed to notice and straightened up in his chair. "Alright," He said, clasping his hands together with a cheery, tired smile, slipping his hand away from Alec's in the process. Alec mentally pouted.

"As though I'm sure you are all worried about Alec's health, and want to stay, Alec does need his rest."

Jace seemed to snap out of thinking. "Right," Jace came close to Alec and clasped him on the shoulder gently. "Get better buddy."

Alec gave him half a smile and nodded, Jace returned it as he took Clare's hand and they both stepped to and through the door. Alec turned to Izzy, who leaned down and kissed his cheek again, softer this time. "Don't hesitate to ask for anything. At all." She smiled and ran her hand through his hair, brushing it off his eyes.

"I will." Alec promised, and watched her as she turned and leaved, closing the infirmary door behind her.

Alec turned to Magnus, who was slumped in his chair again, his face devoid of his warm smile.

"Thanks," Alec said as his hand made it's way to Magnus's, missing the warmth of his hold.

"Of course." Magnus smiled tiredly, and Alec looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time since he woke up. Magnus eyes were tired, yes, but more then that, they were filled with pain. Pain and loss and sorrow. He looked as if Alec _died._

"Hey," Alec's smile faded as he squeezed Magnus's hand. "What's wrong?"

Magnus looked away from Alec's gaze, and exhaled slowly.

"Nothing, just," He started. "just tired." Alec squeezed his hand again, and Magnus looked up into his eyes. Brilliant, ice-blue eyes, begging for him to speak. Magnus sighed.

"You were gone for days, Alexander. _Days."_ Magnus whispered, quite desperately. _"_ We looked everywhere. It was like the ground opened up and swallowed you into nothingness." He twirled his free hand through the air dramatically.

"Jace kept saying that you were alive, that he could feel you, but-" He stopped, throat tightning.

Alec squeezed his hand once more.

"I just feel like.. like something is very, _very_ wrong." Magnus's eyes looked old, and vulnerable.

"Hey, hey." Alec said soothingly, pulling Magnus's hand towards him, Magnus leaned forward, head going to hide in the crook of Alec's neck. "It's ok, I'm ok now."

Alec finished, hugging his boyfriend. They both stayed like this, huddled in each other's hands, not actually doing anything but comforting each other non the less. It didn't take long but eventually, Alec fell asleep in Magnus's arms. Magnus sweetly lay him back down on the bed and curled up in the chair beside the bed, falling asleep easily for the first time in days.


	3. Chapter 3: Found and Lost

**Hi again! Just wanted to say thank you to all of the favs and follows! They mean a lot!**

 **so onto chapter 3!**

 **Disclaimer: (I literally forgot to put that on the last two chapters, foolish me)**

 **Anyway we all know I don't own these beautiful, magnificent characters or world. All rights go to Cassandra Clare. :')**

 **Sorry for any mistakes!**

Chapter 3: Found and Lost

That night, and the night after that, Alec stayed in the infirmary. His protests and promises of "I'm fine." And "I can survive in my own room." Did nothing to convince either Isabelle or Jace to let him spend his days outside the infirmary.

Finally on the third night, after two complete uneventful days or changes for the worse in his health status, Alec was free to go spend the rest of his healing time at Magnus's place.

And although Magnus was just as annoyingly protective and motherly over Alec as his siblings (and perhaps even more) Alec was grateful to be home.

"Make sure he drinks a lot of water, and keep him warm, and call if you need anything, and-"

"I know, Isabelle," Magnus sighed, then smiled.

Isabelle and Magnus both stood at his door leading outside to the hall. Alec safely in the living room. Isabelle made sure he made it to the apartment without trouble, and was now giving Magnus instructions as to how to take care of her brother.

"I got this, you can go." He moved to close the door but Isabelle stopped him with a firm hand.

"Don't hesitate to wake anyone up if something happens." She looked deadly serious, and quite scary as well. All Magnus could do was nodd, smile, and bid her goodnight as he moved to close the door again, this time all the way through.

Magnus joined his boyfriend in the living room, who was sprawled on the velvet red sofa, tea in hand. Alec smiled up at the warlock as he came closer and sat down beside him. Alec sat up and put his tea on the coffee table near.

"Hey." Alec leaned down on Magnus, who put his arm around his waist and looked down at him.

"Hey." Magnus chuckled as Alec let his eyelids fall and close.

"I missed you," Alec said, shuffling closer to Magnus, suddenly feeling very tired.

He did better, he really did. The pain in his head disappeared a day ago, his tight muscles felt relaxed and the painful memories were already starting to fade. But for some unknown reason, he kept feeling exhausted _all_ the time. He didn't complain though, of course.

"You've seen me yesterday." Magnus retorted with a light smile, his free hand moving to brush Alec's hair. He couldn't help it, he looked so adorable like this.

"I still missed you." Alec said, voice already sounding sleepy.

Magnus chuckled again, and moved his hand from Alec's hair to his shoulder, patting him lightly.

"Come to bed, you must be exhausted." Magnus said before drawing away from Alec's slumping figure. Alec made a light sound of protest, but agreed with his boyfriend, standing up after Magnus to make their way to the bedroom.

Once the door was closed, and both boys were stripped of clothes and put into warm jumpers and sweatpants, the two crawled under the covers and snuggled close. The silence was oddly pleasent as both of them tried to fall asleep. Alec quickly succeeding whilst Magnus took a few more minutes to look at his peaceful face before nodding off into a dreamless sleep.

It was the most restful sleep he had in days. Most of the week Alec was missing in, Magnus didn't sleep at all. Not more the two hours a day, anyway, and not in one sitting. And even after Alec was found and brought to the institute, Magnus found it hard to sleep. But now, falling asleep tangled in warm sheets and his lover's strong arms, Magnus slept peacefully with no disturbances at all. At least up until he jolted awake from an elbow hitting his ribs. Hard.

Magnus turned over in the bed, about to complain to his boyfriend about his annoying sleeping habits of hitting him in his sleep, but stopped as he saw Alec. Alec was tossing and turning and shaking. Cold sweat on his forehead trailing all the way down to his cheeks as he whimpered in his sleep, eyes clutched closed and tight.

Magnus quickly sat up straight and leaned over to him, putting his hands on Alec's shoulders as he tried to toss around again.

"Alec, hey, Alec." Magnus shook him lightly. "Alec wake up."

When Alec whimpered again, not opening his eyes, Magnus shook him harder. "Alec wake up!"

He said louder, more sternly. Alec's eyes flew open and locked with Magnus's.

And he screamed.

He screamed so loud Magnus flinched. Alec screamed and shook away from Magnus's hold on his shoulders, flinching back and tumbling down from the bed with a huge **thump.** But he didn't stop screaming. He kept going, holding himself up on his elbows and shuffling back as fast as he can up until he crushed to the wall. Scream dying in his throat as he shook and curled into a ball.

Magnus sat on his bed, mouth open in shock and fear as he looked at Alec, at the wall of his own bedroom, shaking and crying. He never thought that'll happen, not here, not in their home, their _safe_ bedroom. He soon snapped out of it, though, Alec was more important at the moment.

Magnus stood up slowly, he wanted nothing more than to fly right to Alec's side and hug him and tell him it was okay. But he knew he had to be careful after what just went down.

He quickly crouched down to a kneeling position in front of his boyfriend, making sure he didn't scare him before he shuffled towards Alec.

"Alexander?" Magnus whispered, loud enough to hear above the whimpering and sobs. When Alec didn't move Magnus continued forward. "Alexander it's me, Magnus." Magnus reached for him slowely, putting his hand on his shoulder. He felt Alec's muscles tense, but Alec didn't move away so Magnus kept coming closer, until he was hugging the huddled shadowhunter, letting him fall into him, and rubbing soothingly at his back.

"It's okay, it was just a nightmare, you're safe." Magnus whispered into Alec's ear, trying to calm him. It worked, just a bit. It took some time, but slowly Alec stopped shaking and then crying, Magnus's soothingly rubbing up and down his back.

"You were dead," Minutes passed after Alec finally calmed down almost completely, still leaning into his boyfriend, now in a more comfortable way, as they both leaned on the wall.

"What?" Magnus replied weakly, looking down at his boyfriend's messy black hair.

"He killed you. He came in here and he killed you and he took me away from you." Alec's voice was slightly muffled by the materiel of Magnus jumper, so he moved his head closer to Magnus's neck, the materiel falling from his mouth. "And then you woke me up, and- and he was there, right behind you, stubbing your back, again and again."

Magnus eyes grew worried. Having a nightmare was one thing, but hallucinating after one was a different thing completely. Of course, it was possible, even natural at times, but he still couldn't help the nagging feeling in his stomach. _something's wrong, you were right, something's very wrong._ He pushed the feeling down as he brushed a hand through Alec's mess of a hair. "It was just a nightmare Alexander, it wasn't real." He didn't even need to ask who "he" was. He knew.

"I should have done something," Alec continued, as if he didn't hear Magnus. "I should have attacked or tried to protect you. But you were just- just staring down at me, getting stubbed reapitdly and not showing any sign that you were hurt." Alec was playing with the material of Magnus's jumper as he spoke, hand fidgeting and twitching. Magnus took it in his own hands and brought it up to his lips, kissing Alec's knuckles gently and sweetly, one after another.

"It's alright, Alexander, it was just a dream. I'm right here, and I'm fine. Don't beat yourself up over this. It was just a nightmare."

Alec looked up from his hiding spot in Magnus's neck, and Magnus couldn't help himself. He leaned down and crushed their lips together. Not aggressively or hard, but soft and sweet and desperate. Alec returned the kiss, leaning up to it. He tasted of salty tears and blood from a cut he got on his lip when he fell down from the bed, which Magnus healed, but Magnus didn't mind and neither did Alec. They kissed like this, pouring all of their emotions into each other mouths, tongues brushing, comforting in no other way possible, for a minute before both drew away, breathing heavily. They looked at each other for a minute more, until Magnus put his hand to Alec's cheek and sweetly brushed it with his thumb. "Come on, let's get back to bed." Magnus moved to stand up and pulled Alec up with him, both of them crawling to bed together for the second time this night. It took some time, but eventually Alec fell asleep against Magnus's side, snuggled and hugged by the warlock's long arm. Alec slept the rest of the night just fine, but Magnus couldn't close his eyes for more than ten minutes at the most. He couldn't help but worry.

Of course, nightmares were expected after being kidnapped, especially if you were kidnapped by _Valentine_. But this, Magnus never quite expected _this._ Nothing could have ever prepared him for what happened tonight _._ He just couldn't keep Alec's face of sheer terror out of his mind, Alec's scream, the most horrible scream he ever heard.

So he stayed awake, watching Alec's chest steadily rise and fall, until the sun rose across the sea and setteled in the sky, now beautifully grey and light blue, clouded all over. And waited for the day to start.


	4. Chapter 4: But is It Confusion?

**Hello! Just wanted to say I'm sorry for the late update!**

 **I don't have an update schedule but I do try to upload every week, so sorry about that. High school, ya know?**

 **Anyway enjoy and leave a** **review if you don't mind! Sorry for any mistakes!**

 **Disclaimer: oh how I wish I could be CAssandra Clare, sadly no.**

Chapter 4: But is it Confusion?

Despite the unsettling night, the chilly, December morning, started fine. Alec woke up in Magnus's arms, feeling well rested as he yawned and strenched. Seemingly without a trace of memory of the scene that went down just a few hours before. "Good morning," Alec mumbled and smiled up at his boyfriend, who just returned a tired smile. Alec squinted his eyes at the visible dark circles under Magnus's yellowish-green ones.

"Did you sleep?" Alec asked. Genuinely, too.

 _Did he really forget what happened? That's..._ Magnus paused, that was worrying, yes, but it was good too, in some way. Alec wouldn't have to worry now, it was good. Right?

"A bit." Magnus answered. It wasn't a lie, he did sleep. Until Alec woke him up.

Alec's brows forrowed in confusion as he pulled his head back, as if to see the warlock in front of him clearer.

"Why-" Alec paused, his confused look became serieous. "Did you stay awake watching me to make sure I was okay?" Alec asked, and Magnus could swear he heard anger in his voice, behind the confusion and annoyance.

"Alexander, I jus-" Magnus begun to answer, only to be cut off by his, now visibly grumpy, boyfriend.

"Why, Magnus? Why would you do that?" Alec seemed to be getting a bit more than annoyed to him, but Magnus decided he was just imagining it before quickly trying to reply.

"Alexa-" only to be cut off again.

"I can _see_ that you're exhausted Magnus, and I don't need a babysitter watching my ass twenty-four seven! Literally!" Alec exclaimed before he straightened up in bed, slipping away from Magnus's hold and standing up.

Magnus felt suddenly lost, where was this coming from? Yesterday Alec was just fine, good mood and all, now it was like Magnus stole all his money and stuck chewed gum under his shoes. It felt like Alec was having a full blown fight with him, whilst he was just sitting in bed, doing nothing.

"I knew this would happen! I shouldn't have come. You always take the whole "taking care of my sick boyfriend" thing way too far, and you end up hurting your self!" Alec sounded out-raged. Magnus opened his mouth to say something but closed it as he saw Alec pick up socks and try to put them on angrily. Stumbling slightly, his brows furrowed with anger and concentration. It would have been funny if Magnus wasn't worried from the sudden mood change, Alec was acting like a teenager with too much hormones to handle, he just had to spit them furiously at everyone and everything.

"Alec, dear, what are you doing?" Magnus sighed, now seated up in his bed, watching Alec stumble for his shoes.

"Isn't it clear?" Alec practically spat. "Going home."

"Why?" Magnus's voice came out more vulnerable than he would have liked, _did he just dismiss our apartment as his home?_

but it seemed to make Alec stop in his sudden tantrum.

"Umm," Alec seemed lost for a moment, as he slowly put the shoe he grabbed a minute earlier down on the floor. "I.. don't know." Alec looked up at Magnus, brows still furrowed, but not from rage anymore, just pure confusion. "Uhh," Alec begun again, but Magnus, now even more troubled about what was happening, stood up and made his way over to his confused shadowhunter, which made Alec stay quiet.

"Alexander," Magnus took Alec's face in his hands, making Alec's lost expression stare back at him. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." Alec's answer came out almost automatically, which made Magnus brows furrow deeper in his concern, but he decided not to press on the matter. Although he couldn't ignore the fact that something was off, no more. He would have to talk to Isabelle about it later. As if someone out there played an ironic joke on the warlock, his phone buzzed from the bed side table, the caller ID showing it was Isabelle. Magnus pulled his hands from his lover's face and picked up the phone, clicking on 'answer' and putting the cold metal to his ear, while Alec made his way around the room to the bathroom, and closed the door behind him. Magnus didn't miss the light * **click** that was heard from the doorway, meaning Alec locked himself in. _Shame._

"Magnus?" Isabelle's voice came through, a bit groggily, as if she just woke up.

"Good morning Isabelle." Magnus turned from the bathroom door and made his way out of the bedroom, stepping into the kitchen to make coffee.

"Hey, morning." She replied, a bit more awake sounding now. "I was just calling to make sure everything was okay, Alec didn't answer his phone." Shuffling sounds came through from her side, and Magnus guessed she was still in bed. He was right.

"Sorry," she said a moment after, "still in bed."

Magnus chuckled lightly and went to turn on the kettle, having filling it with water already. He would have a lazy morning and summon one up from a coffee shop, but he knew Alec liked his own coffee better.

"It's alright dear." Magnus finally said, but than paused. "Alec is.. well, he's physically fine, but," He paused again. The shuffling on the other side stopped suddenly as well, Izzy freezing at Magnus's exact words. "Has Alec been... acting strangely ever since the night he woke up?" Magnus couldn't be there all the time, the Clave, _stupid Clave,_ decided that if Alec was fine and healing, the warlock's assistance was no longer required, and he could only come to check up on Alec for an hour a day. Therefor, he wouldn't have been around to notice anything wrong, but he knew Izzy must have.

There was another pause. Then Izzy's voice came through, quiet and cautious; "Strangly?" She asked, voice filled with confusion and slight worry.

"Yes," Magnus said, "Strangely, oddly, out of character; weird mood swings, perhaps?" He supplied. He could now hear the water running from the shower distantly, as he poured the boiled water into two cups and kept on making the coffee.

Isabelle went quiet again, and Magnus supposed she was thinking.

"No," She said after a minute. "no, I don't think so. Why?" She sounded disturbed. "Did something happen?"

Magnus put both his and Alec's coffee on the coffee table beside the sofa, sitting down comfortably in the arm chair and waiting for Alec to finish his shower. "Well, a few things actually," Magnus sighed, remembering the night again. "I suppose we should meet tonight, after he falls asleep, to talk. Something's wrong Isabelle, and I don't think it's just the after effects of the kidnap." Magnus's voice dripped of seriousness and worry, it made Isabelle shiver.

"Okay." She said, uneasiness clear in her voice as well. "Okay, we'll talk tonight, just text me when and I'll be there." Magnus hummed in agreement just as he heard the bathroom's door open and shut.

"I'll see you tonight then." Magnus said and hung up as Alec walked in through the bedroom door, freshly clothed and and clean. Magnus smiled at him as he took his seat on the couch. "Made you coffee," Magnus tried to sound smooth, as if nothing was bothering him, and when Alec smiled and took the mug in his hands, seemingly not noticing Magnus's efforts, Magnus relaxed a bit.

"Thanks." Alec said easily, leaning forward and giving Magnus a swift, soft kiss on the cheek. He smelled like shampoo and deodorant, sweet. It made Magnus smile, genuinely this time. He took his own mug and sipped from his coffee.

"So how did you sleep?" Alec asked suddenly, eyeing a magazine cover that was thrown on the table, sipping his coffee and looking unbothered. Magnus narrowed his eyes at the question. He couldn't have possibly forgotten the tantrum he had thrown a few minutes ago, could he? Magnus leaned forward in his chair, putting the coffee mug down. He cautiously said, "We just had a," he thought of what to say for a moment. He didn't want to bring 'argument' for 'fight' up. "Conversation about that, darling, remember?"

Alec looked up from the magazine, brows coming together in a furrow as he thought for a moment. Magnus used to love when Alec did that, went into a kind of zone for minutes when he thought hard about something, but now it just disturbed him to no end. Alec suddenly chuckled, coming out of his thinking zone. "Oh, yeah," he smiled goofily and looked at Magnus. Magnus just looked at him with confused and sad eyes. Alec didn't seem to notice, or care. "I remember." He finished, and went back to his coffee. Magnus's eyes never leaving him though, as he grew more and more troubled, and confused.

 _Oh, Alexander, what did Valentine do to you?_


	5. Chapter 5: Turning Point

**Hayo! Here's another chapter for you!**

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 **Enjoy and review if you don't mind, I love reading them!**

 **Sorry for any mistakes.**

 **Disclaimer; If I could be Cassie, I probably wouldn't be posting this.**

Chapter 5: Turning Point

The rest of the day went on oddly uneventful. Alec was back in his usual quiet but fine mood. Both Magnus and Alec agreed that'll take a lazy day relaxing, so they both curled up with blankets on the couch and watched movies. Magnus summoned food up with a click of his fingers, so the only reason they had for getting up was for the bathroom, every now and again.

By night time, Alec was pretty beat, even though he didn't do anything. It felt like the more the days went, the more tired he got. He thought for a moment to tell Magnus about it, but decided against it, having thought Magnus was already way too motherly and concerned.

In time, Alec fell asleep against Magnus on the couch. Magnus was glad to see him nod off to sleep. Partly because Alec looked very peaceful in his sleep, and it always made Magnus feel peaceful as well, but today, he was partly glad he fell asleep because now he could talk to Isabelle. Magnus, extremely coutiously, slipped from under Alec's body, laying his head on a pillow, and draped a blanket over him.

After he stood for a second over Alec's body, Magnus exhaled and took his phone out of his pocket, quickly typing _'Come. - MB'_ and sending it to Isabelle's number.

It was only a minute after when the reply came, short and simple.

 _'On my way. - IL'_

Fifteen minutes passed when a weak knock on his door was heard through the apartment. Magnus hurried over to open it.

Isabelle stood there, looking like she ran all the way to the building. In simple black jeans and a blue sweater, with her hair in a high ponytail.

"Come in," Magnus said quietly. She made her way in and Magnus closed the door, putting and arm around her shoulder and pushing her lighty in the direction of the bedroom. She didn't question him, just walked quickly to keep up.

Magnus closed the door to the bedroom behind them and exhaled. He lookef awful. He had dark circles under his eyes, visible on his tanned skin, and his shoulders were slumped slightly, as if his muscles were depressed.

"He's asleep in the couch." He looked at Izzy, and she nodded in understanding.

"So what's going on?" She asked then, looking troubled at Magnus's worried figure.

Magnus sighed. "He had a nightmare, last night," He said, looking at his messy bed. Izzy just looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "And he hallucinated after I woke him up. He thought he saw Valentine stabbing me, and he screamed," He paused. "God that awful scream," he put his fingures on his forehead and looked down. Izzy took a worried step forward.

"He slept okay after that, and forgot about it in the morning," he breathed. "But after he woke up, he had the wierdest reaction to my tiredness." He frowned. "I didn't sleep after the nightmare." He added quickly. Earning an "Ah." From Isabelle.

"He got angry, and he started screaming that I was hurting myself by looking after him. He started getting ready to go back to the institute, but when I asked him why, he stopped and looked completely lost. Like he just woke up and realized he was on another planet. He stopped the tantrum then, and went to take a shower."

Magnus looked over at Isabelle. She looked tired, but more so concerned.

"That was when we spoke over the phone. I waited for him with coffee after, and he seemed completely fine when he got out of the shower, back to his usual mood. But then, about, two minutes after, he asked me how I slept. _How I slept, Isabelle._ He shouted at me for not sleeping just ten minutes before, and he _completely_ forgot." Magnus looked down again. "That is, until I reminded him. Which he took lightly, as if I said I ate a banana." He scoffed, and Isabelle made her way to him, hesitantly putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Okay," She exhaled, "we'll figure this out. It must be something Valentine did, right?"

Magnus locked eyes with her, brows practically hugging each other.

"Before you came," Magnus said, "after Alec fell asleep, I checked for any trace of magic on him, something that could have done whatever it is to him. A potion, a spell, something, but I found nothing. Isabelle, if it's something psychological that Valentine messed with, I may not be able to help."

Isabelle bit her lower lip, and took a step back, her hand dropping from Magnus's shoulder.

Her eyes were huge and sad and scared. "It's weird," she said, "after we talked, I asked Jace if he felt anything weird from the _parabatai_ rune. He said that Alec just felt tired and a bit sad or confused, but it was probably from something minor as it wasn't feeling important. Like a movie or a fight with you."

"Alec doesn't seem to feel there's anything wrong, so Jace probably won't, too." Magnus said, looking at the door, as if he could see Alec through it. "Did Jace ask why you asked?"

"Yes. I told him about what we talked about, but he's on a mission so he couldn't come."

It was Isabelle's turn to frown. "Actually he should already be at the institute." She fished her phone out of her pocket and dialed Jace's number while Magnus turned to watch.

Half a minute have passed before she spoke. "Hey, where are you, how'd the mission go?"

Magnus couldn't hear Jace, so he waited for Isabelle to finish talking.

"Okay." She said a minute after, and hung up. she looked up at Magnus's raised eyebrows. "He's on his way."

Magnus just nodded and opened the door, stepping through to the living room. Isabelle right behind him. Alec, thankfully, was still sleeping peacefully on the couch. While Magnus watched, Izzy made her way to her big brother and brushed her hand through his hair. Alec stirred but kept sleeping. "He's going to be okay, right?" She whispered, half to herself, but Magnus heard. He was about to say something as he heard the door open and turned to see Jace come through, closing it behind him. He silently made his way over to Izzy and Magnus, his worried eyes falling on Alec.

"Hey," he said. And Magnus nodded in greeting. Izzy stood from her place next to Alec and walked over to Jace, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him towards the bedroom, almost like Magnus did to her. She closed the door behind them and Magnus could hear their faint voices coming through. He looked at Alec again, and sighed.

Magnus sat down on the table closed to the sofa, he felt exhausted, to say the least, and really wanted to get this day over with. He watched Alec sleeping, his relaxed features, the slow, even rises and falls of his chest. Alec looked okay. Magnus thought for a second if he might be overreacting. Alec _was_ kidnapped by the most brutal shadowhunter of all. It was bound to have consciousness. But he just couldn't help it. He had a very bad feeling from the day Alec woke up in the institute, and the feeling just want go away. If anything, it was just growing and becoming more heavy to carry. Just the thought of Valentine messing inside Alec's head made Magnus shiver. No, he wasn't overreacting, no way. If something felt wrong, they should at least check.

The door of his bedroom opened, and out stepped the two siblings of his dear Alexander.

Jace looked grim, as if someone dropped heavy news on him. Which Magnus knew just happened. Isabelle looked sad, too. Magnus heart twisted in his chest with guilt. He felt so worried about his boyfriend, and so scared, he forgot Alec had more people that cared for him.

He sighed again and stood up as oth Jace and Izzy made their way to him.

"Izzy told me what's going on," said Jace, "I think it's too soon to tell anyone, we don't want to creat a fuss without knowing if there's a real problem." Magnus was about to argue about the 'real problem' part, but Jace held up his hand, his brows furrowed and his eyes scary-serious.

"I didn't say we're not gonna do anything about it, just that we don't want to wake any unnecessary attention." Magnus shut is his mouth.

"Izzy and I are gonna look in the library, we'll tell Clary too, just for a hand." He said, and looked at Izzy. "In the meantime-" the faintest, quietest whimper came from behind Magnus. They all turned dead silent and looked at the sofa, where Alec was, attacking the blanket with a death grip, and clutching his eyes so hard it looked like his skull will swallow them up from underneath.

"Stop." Alec's voice sounded so broken, Magnus felt like falling to his knees and crying. He thought the night might actually pass alright. Jace and Isabelle would leave and he'd sleep. Guess not.

For a moment nobody moved, but then, when Alec didn't seem to calm down, Jace moved to his side and kneeled down.

"Alec," Jace whispered. Alec didn't respond, so Jace put his hands on his shoulders.

"Wait-" Magnus tried to warn Jace, but he was a second too late. Jace shook Alec's shoulders and Alec's eyes flew open. For a moment, Magnus's muscles tensed, as if he was bracing him self to be hit with another scream from his boyfriend. But Alec eyes just stayed wide as his breath caught in his throat.

In a movement so fast it looked like a blur, Alec shook away from Jace's hold and stood up, Jace following suit. For another unbelievably silent moment, Alec stared at Jace with wide eyes, that Magnus could only see terror in. Magnus was about to talk when Alec lifted his leg,

and kicked Jace.

He kicked Jace so hard Jace flew backwards with a a startled _'Oof',_ knocking Isabelle down with him.

Magnus immediately moved to grab Alec's arm before Alec could walk to Jace and do more damage. When Magnus's skin made contact with Alec's, Alec turned around, and Magnus instantly broke his grip. In Alec's eyes, Magnus never thought he'll see it, not towards him, was _pure hatred._ But as soon as Magnus had a chance to look hurt, Alec seemed to startle out of it, and look lost. Again, just so _lost_.

Alec looked towards Jace and Isabelle, who were just getting up from the floor.

"Jace?" Alec said, he sounded hurt, like he was about to breakdown. Jace looked at Alec with the same amount of pain. "By the Angel, I- I'm so sorry, I d-didn't-"

"Alec it's okay, just calm down," Jace started to make his way towards Alec, but Alec moved backwards. "N-no-" Alec hands came up as if to keep Jace away form him, and he bumped into the table behind him, stumbling back. Magnus, who was quite in shock, moved forward to catch him in case he falls, but Alec just turned his hands to him, to keep him away, as he kept stumbling and bumping into the couch. "Just- just stay away!" Alec pleaded.

Both Jace and Magnus stopped moving, while Isabelle watched with scared, tears filled eyes. Alec's hands shook, but he didn't put them down. "I almost hurt you." His voice cracked. "Im so sorry."

"Alexander," Magnus tried, "Alexander, look at me." Alec shakily put his arms down, but still looked at the ground.

"Alec." Magnus said, trying to sound more stern and hard then he actually wanted to sound. He wanted to comfort Alec, but Alec had to let him do it. He knew better then to force affection on the trembling shadowhunter.

Alec, very slowly, looked up at his boyfriend, tear stains were visible on him cheeks, and more were coming down. Magnus, who was breaking internally, cautiously took a step forward, and when Alec didn't move away, made the rest of his way to him. Magnus placed both his hands on either side of Alec's face, wiping his tears. "Alec, look at me, and tell me what you saw." Alec tensed, but looked into Magnus's eyes.

"I-" Alec started, but paused as he felt his throat tightening. He swallowed down the lump in his throat. He will not cry. "I saw Jace, but, I- I," Alec started heaving, his lungs felt like they stopped working, and breathing was practically impossible. Magnus immediately drew his hands away from Alec's face and put them on his back, slowly and soothingly leading him to the couch. Jace and Izzy took a few steps forward, but didn't get too close in fear of making the situation worse.

"It's okay, Alec, just breath." Magnus was rubbing Alec's back soothingly, while Alec breathed heavily and fast.

"Oh god, I almost killed you." Alec chocked out, putting his head in his hands,

"I didn't even see anything, just Jace," Alec's breathing only seemed to get worse, he spoke quickly and hoarsely. Gasping as he didn't get enough air in.

"I saw Jace." He took a, quick, shuddering breath.

"And I wanted to kill him."


	6. Chapter 6: Soldier Keep On Marching On

**What's up, Malec lovers? I'm here to say thank you for the favs and follows, but especially the reviews! They really made my day when I read them, so thank so much!**

 **Okay so I know this is getting a bit repetitive, hope it's not boring yet, but I have a lot planned for next chapter! We're gonna start figuring out what's happening with our poor Alec, so stay tuned!**

 **Hope you enjoy, leave a review if you don't mind, I love them. Sorry for any mistakes!**

 **Disclaimer; Me? Cassandra Clare? HAHAHa haha ha**

Chapter 6: Soldier Keep On Marching On

"I saw Jace. And I wanted to kill him."

That was the moment Isabelle broke down. She had been crying quietly for the whole scenario, but the first sob unwillingly escaped her lungs after Alec had finished talking. She put her hands to her mouth, as if she could take it back, but Magnus, Jace and Alec were all looking at her. Jace moved to hug her, but she never took her eyes off of Alec, which was staring at her as if he was staring at an alien. It took all of her power to not let another sob escape her lips as Jace took her in his arms and hugged her tightly.

Jace wasn't having a good time, either. Quite the opposite, and frankly, he needed this hug as much as Isabelle did.

 _What is going on?_ This is bad, it's worse than he thought. Jace was going to have to tell someone, there's only so much they can do alone. He just started thinking who to talk to when he heard him.

"Iz? Jace?" Alec's voice wasn't full of pain and guilt and he didn't sound out of breath anymore. When Jace and Izzy both turned to look, they saw Magnus looking at Alec with the same amount of confusion. Alec had stopped crying, his eyes didn't look scared. Besides looking tired, Alec seemed completely fine.

"Izzy why are you crying?" Alec looked to Jace. "What happened?"

Isabelle just couldn't hold it, she broke down completely. Heavy, sad sobs came rushing out of her as she practically fell against Jace. Jace caught her, and held her tight as she shook and trembled. She didn't know why she was crying. Of course, she was worried, and yes, Alec was clearly not fine. But she didn't know why she felt so weak all of the sudden, as if her whole world came crushing down and left nothing for her to find but bones and ashes. Which it didn't, not yet, and not ever. Not If she had anything to do about it.

Immediately she sniffed the rest of her tears away. Wiping at her face as she straightened herself away from Jace's hold, mumbling a sorry she was almost certain no one heard. She breathed deep and looked at Alec. He was staring at her worriedly, but for some reason didn't take the effort of getting up and actually trying to comfort her. Which was what usually happened in situations like this. She wondered for a minute if it was because Magnus was holding Alec's arm tightly, but dismissed it quickly. Alec would never let anything stop him from caring for his little sister. Not in his right mind, anyway.

"Nothing," She gave her best fake smile and wiped the black hair that stuck to her forehead with sweat. "everything's alright."

Alec looked confused for a bit longer, but after a moment of silence, he shrugged, stood up, and walked freely into the kitchen.

And that was it, no more tears, no more questions, no more kicking. They all stared after him. Magnus, he realized with a terrible ting of sadness, wasn't as shocked as Jace and Izzy were.

While they all kept quiet, too stunned to speak, Alec came back from the kitchen, a bottle of orange juice in hand. Time seemed to pause then, as everyone stared at everyone silently. Until Alec broke it.

"What?" He said simply, waving his arms outwards only slightly.

"How are you feeling, Alec?" It was Isabelle. She sounded strong, and she put a hard face, trying forcefully to not show any signs of weakness. But while Jace and Magnus could see through it easily, Alec didn't seem to notice.

"I'm fine, Iz." Alec sighed and sat on the couch, sipping from his juice. "I already told you. You don't need to babysit me anymore. I'm feeling great."

Isabelle sighed. "Okay," she said, looking at Jace, "Good. Just wanted to check."

Alec gave half a smile, then turned to Magnus. "Can you turn on the TV? I'm bored."

"Uh," Cought a bit off guard, Magnus looked a bit warily at Jace and Isabelle. "Er, yeah, sure." He said, then clicked his fingures and the TV blurred on.

After another moment of silence. Alec watching TV, looking unbothered, while the rest kept a silent conversation of worried looks and unsaid understanding that something was wrong, and actions had to be taken.

"Okay buddy," Said Jace, "Izzy and I are gonna go, do you need something else?"

Alec shook his head, his eyes not leaving the TV screen.

"Alright," Jace said a bit dryly, then turned on his heel and walked to the door. It took Izzy a moment, but she followed his steps, not before giving Alec one last sad look.

Once the door was closed, Magnus sighed. Alec seemed okay now, watching TV, so he got up to make tea. He wondered to himself what would happen now that Isabelle and Jace saw the bad shape Alec was in. And knew it was getting worse. He wouldn't be surprised if Alec started screaming and filling the apartment with arrows because he was seeing demons that weren't really there.

If there was a list of horrible things Magnus was unfortunate to witness in his very long life, watching insanity take over someone he cared for was somewhere on the top.

He saw mundanes grow horribly obssesed and eventually crazy about the Shadow world. He had met people, friends, dare he say, whose lives were slowly and painfully taken away with psychotic schizophrenia. And through all that, not few were the times he interacted, saw and heard of the mentally challenged, and what could happen to or by them.

It was terrifying, to say the least, that Magnus seemed to be thinking Alec was dangeously close to what Magnus would describe as going insane.

Making his tea, a sudden wash of anger fell on Magnus.

 _This is Valentine's fault. The stinking bastard messed with Alec's head, and now even Magnus couldn'y figure out what's going on._

He gripped his cup full of tea so tightly and suddenly, that about quarter of the hot liquid spilled and burned his fingures. Magnus hissed and cursed, then quickly hushed himself. He didn't want Alec to hear because now, apparently, anything could trigger anything in him.

When Magnus cleaned the remains of the spilled tea, he took the cup and made his way to the leaving room, only to find no one there.

Alec was gone, his blanket sprawled on the sofa messily. Magnus didn't want to get nervous, but he couldn'y help it. He sat his tea down and wondered, a bit hurridly, into their bedroom. No Alec in sight. He sighed when he saw the bathroom door closed again, his mind deciding that Alec just went to the restroom.

Magnus made his way out to the sofa, sat down and grabbed his tea again, sipping slowly.

Two minutes passed, then another ten. Magnus already finished his tea, and was now waiting patiently for Alec to come back.

But Alec didn't.

Magnus pondered on the thought that his boyfriend was just taking a shower, and used that to stop himself from rushing there and checking on Alec.

But after twenty minutes, he couldn't stop himself, Magnus got up and went to knock on the bathroom door. No replay.

"Alexander?" Magnus tried the knob, it was locked. Of course that didn't stop him though, he snapped his fingeres and turned the knob again, opening the door slowly. At first he didn't see anything, since the room was too dark, but when Magnus opened the door the whole way through, spilling light into the room, he saw his boyfriend. Huddled in the corner of the bathtub, knees reaching for his chest while his face were burried in his arms.

He seemed to be shaking, not violently, like he was cold, more of cry shaking. But he didn't make any sounds. Magnus, eyes filling with tears of gulit that he didn't come sooner, made his way quietly over to his boyfriend.

When Magnus put his hand on Alec's shoulder, Alec made some kind of scared yelping sound, while his shoulders jumped up with his head and he backed more into the corner, if that was possible.

Magnus drew his hand back, patiently waiting for Alec to calm down, as Alec looked at him with fear, his breathing too fast to be natural, his eyes too vulnerable to be alright.

"Magnus?" Alec's voice sounded as if he didn't drink for days, "Is that you?"

Magnus could feel tears swim in small rivers down to his cheeks, and with every crack in his lover's voice, every gasping sob, every single tear his amazing blue eyes shed, those tiny rivers threatened to become oceans. Flooding his inside and spilling right out of his eyes, drowning him in sorrow and hurt and _uselessness._ But Magnus held strong. He knew he couldn't lose it _now._ Help Alec first, break down later.

"Yes, darling. It's me, you're safe." Magnus once again reached out for his trembling boyfriend, snaking his arms around Alec's chest and pulling him in. Magnus could feel Alec's shallow breathes as Alec leaned into him, warm on his shirt and a tad wet from the still running tears.

"Please help me," Alec's voice cracked, "I don't know w-what's ha-a-panning,"

Magnus tightened his grip with every word, his own shoulders started trembling as new tears crawled out of his eyes. He couldn't hold them back anymore, and he didn't really care at this point.

"Demo-ons, e-very where, he is ever-ry where," Alec gasped between sobs, and Magnus knew he couldn't do this for much longer, stay strong when Alec was basically falling apart from between his fingers, slipping like hot, burning water from the world and not forgetting to leave burn scars along the way.

"Shhh," Magnus soothed shakingly, "It's all going to be okay, Alexander, just sleep."

He whispered into Alec's ear as his hands moved swiftly, blue sparks of magic spilling out, calming Alec to the point of sleeping. Alec's fingers left Magnus's shirt from the hard grip, his eyelids fell slowly as his breathing became deeper and even.

"That's it, sleep," Magnus gripped Alec's head as Alec slowly fell sideways, sleep over taking him, and put his hands under Alec's knees. In a slow move, Magnus managed to stand up, Alec asleep in his arms, and walked to the bedroom. When Magnus gently put Alec on their bed and pulled the sheets over him, he kissed his cheeks where there were still tear stains visible. Magnus quickly changed his clothes to clean ones and crawled into the sheets, getting as close as he could to Alec, making sure to give Alec another puff of magic to let him sleep the whole night through, hopefully with no nightmares. They both needed it. Body still shaking, Magnus turned his back to Alec and cried. He hadn't stopped crying since he found Alec in the bathroom, and he kept crying now. Once he started he couldn't stop, and he didn't try to.

He cried as quietly as he could.

He cried his fear and tension.

He cried his anger and worry.

He cried his pain and desperation,

and he cried his love.

His deep, unconditional, unlimited, painful love.

He cried until he couldn't cry anymore, and when sleep finally came, Magnus sighed and let it take him to the dark unconsciousness he welcomed more than anything at the moment.

 **Soldier keep on marching on - Soldier by Fleurie**


	7. Chapter 7: Unhealthy

**Why, hello there. Thank you for joining me. I wanted to apologize very deeply for not updating, I've been busy, and the more life gets in the way, the harder it is to write. I'm not sure at all about this chapter, especially Brother Enoch. I tried portraying him as best as I could but I have a bad feeling about him, and the whole chapter in general. I hope you can enjoy it anyways.**

 **Let me know what you think. And sorry for any mistakes!**

 **Disclaimer; I'm posting thing in my underwear, at 1:00 AM. I wouldn't be able to own such amazing characters as much as I'd want to.**

Chapter 7: Unhealthy

It had been four days before Jace contacted Magnus, telling him he somehow got a Silent Brother to come check Alec without raising attention from the Clave. Four days too much.

Alec has been getting worse, and Magnus was at loss.

While he had been having short breakdowns before, they now lasted a few hours. A few hours of Alec getting upset, rageful or agonizingly scared. All of Magnus's efforts mattered nothing when Alec screamed, seeing things Magnus couldn't. When Alec cried thinking he was alone, lost, not seeing or feeling Magnus what so ever.

Magnus had tried using spells and potions, but no magic had helped Alec. Nothing worked. Magnus hasn't been sleeping, while Alec got up at least two times at night, screaming or crying or both. Magnus have been crying every time Alec fell asleep with tears. Alec kept forgetting but Magnus never did. Every single whimper Alec let out left an ugly scar on Magnus's soul.

Isabelle has been visiting to check on them, and she wanted nothing more than to help Magnus after she saw him. Exhausted, pained and broken, but Magnus insisted he was handling everything, and sent her home every time.

It was noon now, and Magnus and Alec were in the living room, cuddled on the sofa, and watching a movie. Alec has been laughing hysterically at one of the characters for the past ten minutes, and Magnus couldn't help but giggle along. With all of the troubling thoughts going through his mind for the last days, Alec's laugh was extremely addictive, and quite adorable, if Magnus may add. It seemed to be an okay day for Alec, better than the rest. He hadn't had a breakdown yet, and he hasn't been hallucinating. He even slept through the whole night. The only thing out of ordinary was his maniac happy mood, but Magnus wasn't complaining.

By the end of the movie, Magnus had a phone call from Jace, saying he was on his way with the Silent Brother, Isabelle and Clary. So when the movie ended, Alec still laughing, Magnus shut off the TV and waited for Alec to calm down before he started talking.

"Alexander, dearest, Jace is on his way-" Magnus was interrupted by a few knocks from the door. He gave Alec a quick smile and rushed to open the door. As said, Jace stood there, behind him Isabelle, Clary and a Silent brother Magnus recognized as Brother Enoch. Magnus opened the door wider for them to walk in.

"I didn't get to tell him, and he's kind of in a weird mood today so, uh, be gentle." Magnus spoke to the Brother as they walked to the living room.

'I am aware of his condition, High Warlock. I will do what I can.' Magnus heard Brother Enoch's voice echoing inside his skull. He was about to say something as Jace and Isabelle abruptly stopped walking ahead of him and the Silent brother, causing them to stop as well. When Magnus looked over Isabelle's shoulder he saw Alec, on the floor, rolling from side to side and shaking. He was about to run over when he heard the laughter.

Alec was on the floor, rolling and laughing. Jace, Izzy and Clary all looked at Magnus, confused. Magnus sighed. "Yes, weird mood." Was all he said. Izzy was the one to approach him.

"Alec?" She spoke loud enough for him to hear over his own laughter. When he didn't respond, she reached out and put her hand on his shaking knee to gain his attention. Alec jumped, surprised, and Isabelle drew her hand back, just before Alec broke into the most goofy smile, as he looked at everyone in the room. "Is everything okay?" Izzy asked, her expression showing a half a worried, half amused smile, like she didn't know how to respond to the situation.

But, it seems, Alec decided to ignore the question. Huge smile still on his face, he asked, "Are we having a party Magnus?" And immediately started laughing again, this time staying put instead if rocking on the floor. Jace barked out a laugh, and Isabelle and Clary smiled. What made Alec's laugh grow, and he rocked his head back, laughing and clutching his stomach.

Magnus wanted to laugh along. It was quite a nice change from the last few terrible days. But he struggled to hold it in anyway. The silent brother was here and Magnus _really_ wanted to find out what was going on with Alec. So he slipped past Jace and Izzy, and put his hand on Alec's shoulder. "Dear," Magnus said, waiting for Alec to calm down. When Alec's laugh became a muffled giggling, he continued. "You remember Brother Enoch, right? He's here to ask you some questions, is that alright?" Magnus didn't want to sound so motherly, but he couldn't stop himself when Alec was acting like an overgrown baby.

Alec nodded, his smile disappearing slowly as Magnus led him to the couch. The rest followed quietly, and Brother Enoch approached Alec when he took a seat on the sofa, Magnus walking backwards a few steps to give them space.

'Alec Ligh-' Brother Enoch started, but was cut off by Alec jumping with a scared "OH!". Magnus tensed, and so did the others.

"Huh," Alec breathed. "I, uh, I forgot you talk," he pointed to his temple and tapped his head. "here,". Everything went quiet for a few moments, everyone looked worriedly at Alec, who gulped. "Uhh, c-continue." Alec said, visibly confused with himself and the others.

'Alec Lightwood,' Brother Enoch started again, 'I will approach you, and search for a source of the problem. Prepare.' As Enoch finished, he approached Alec as he said. Alec took a breath and held it, shoulders tensing, but before he could do anything Brother Enoch's hands were hugging both his temples. Blinding pain spread through Alec's head, needles were piercing his mind as he felt something search through him. It was painful and weirdly invasive. Alec couldn't help it and let out a grunt of pain, which didn't at all help ease any of the bystanders worry.

Even though the Silent Brothers didn't have much of facial expressions, Brother Enoch looked like he hasn't concentrated on anything as much as he did on searching through Alec's head. After minutes of silence, except Alec's short, pained breaths, Brother Enoch finally let his arms drop from him, and Alec realesed one last painful groan as he fell forward, eyes clutched shut.

Magnus, the closest to the Silent Brother and his boyfriend, leaped to catch Alec before he fell face first into the floor. Alec grabbed Magnus as he straightened them both and sat on the couch, helping Alec lean down slowly.

"Well?" It was Jace, as eager to know what's wrong with Alec as the rest of them, but the first one who dares to ask. Brother Enoch doesn't reply for a moment, and the silence that follows feels like it could drown Magnus.

'It seems that something is wrong with Alec,' Enoch says, and Magnus resists the urge to scoff with a frustrated ' _you think so?'._

 _'_ I can not locate the source of the problem. It seems that Valentinen has messed with something psychological, but with no magic.' Enoch stopped then to look at Alec again, who appeared to be sleeping now. Magnus felt a twinge of sadness, the mind searching was a bit for Alec at this state, and it didn't even last that long. His mind must be very damaged.

'You said that he's gotten worse since the first day he came back,' Enoch started speaking again, referring to Magnus.

"Yes," Magnus said, without hesitation. Alec has been getting a lot worse with every passing day. Magnus was praying every night and day it'll stop soon, but with every single breakdown it seemed like it never will.

'It seems that the damage is growing, Alec's mind is very unorganized at the moment.' Brother Enoch continued, 'until we find the cause and learn to fix it, his state will grow worse.'

Clary, who hasn't spoken since she came in, looked up from Alec's still form to the tall Silent Brother. "Is there anyway to actually find it? The source of the problem, I mean." Brother Enoch did something with his head that would have passed as shaking it if he were looking like a normal human being.

'I can only search more, but without the Clave's aid, my abilities are limited.' With Enoch's reply, Jace felt his face crunch up with anger. He balled his hands into fists and grit his teeth to try and calm himself before he went on a homicidal journey to find Valentine, but it wasn't quite enough to stop the angry words spilling out of his mouth.

"That son of a bitch," Jace spat, and attention went from Brother Enoch to him. "He did this. I'll torture the cure out of him. I'll _make_ him fix this." Jace's words poured out of him in pure rage, and he started walking towards the door. "I'll find the bastard right now, _dammi-"_ but he was cut off by Clary grabbing his hand and forcefully turning him around to face her. She takes one look at his face and pulls him in for a hug. Jace doesn't try to get away, instead he just falls into her as if she was the only thing he can hold on to, like a piece of wood in the middle of a sea storm, threatening to swallow him up.

"We'll find Valentine Jace, but right now, stay with Alec. He needs you." Clary soothes him, and Jace's shoulders slump as he lets his anger go for the moment, and lets his girlfriend give him the comfort he desperately needs.

Magnus and Isabelle, who both were staring at the little sad scene, looked away when it became too privet for them to bare. Magnus takes a look at Izzy as they both turn away, and sees the tears rolling down her cheeks. He feels bad enough already, and hates seeing that people around him are breaking as he does, because he knows how great the pain is, and how hard it is to bear.

Because knowing something's wrong is hurtful, but knowing you can't do anything about it is just plain torture.

Magnus mentions her to come sit by him and when she does, Magnus wipes her tears away.

He wants to do more, but at the moment, he can barley keep himself together. So he gives her a sad smile, and turns to Brother Enoch, who has been eerily quiet.

"Can you search any more than you did? Isn't it better to do it when he's asleep?" Magnus asks, images of Brother Enoch holding Alec's head tightly while Alec was clearly suffering went through his mind, and he didn't want to put Alec through any more pain than necessary. It's better if he's asleep.

Brother Enoch nods slightly, but says nothing as he approaches Alec's still form, on the couch. But before Enoch can put his hands on Alec, Alec whimpers and tosses him self off the couch, causing the Silent Brother to back away from him. Magnus immediately gets down to the floor to pick Alec up as both Clary and Jace approach them, with concern. Alec is whimpering and shaking now, and when Magnus touches him, Alec jerks away. But he doesn't wake up. His eyes are still shut as he curls into a shaking ball and whisperes.

"Please," his voice is broken and damaged and so _lost._

 _"Please,"_ Alec pleads in his sleep. "Please don't do this, I can't do it. _Please I CAN'T DO IT."_ He shouts in his sleep, and his voice cracks. Magnus decides he won't take it, he _can't_ handle it right now. So when he hears the small, broken "Alec," From behind his back, coming out of Isabelle as she sobs, he spreads his arms over his shaking, crying boyfriend and let's his hands drip blue flames of magic over him, to make him sleep again.

It takes a minute or two, but eventually Alec stopped crying and went back to a peaceful sleep. Jace moved to pick him up and put him on the sofa again, while Magnus leaned back and breathed. Magnus closed his eyes for a moment, exhaled, and opened them again. When he saw all eyes on him, he got up from the floor and turned back to Brother

Enoch.

"Thank you for your help," Magnus tries to sound as patient as he can, but doubts he does at all. "I think that was enough for today, Alec should rest." The Brother says nothing, and so Magnus clicked his fingers and the front door opened. "Goodnight." He makes sure to end the word with kind of a final tone, to deliver the massege that Enoch should leave. And he does. But before Enoch turn around to leave, he speaks, 'don't use magic on him, it could worsen his state.' and with that, the Silent Brother leaves.

Magnus feels startled by the last comment Enoch's made. He had used magic on Alec before too, has this been the reason Alec has been getting worse? As he looked back at everyone, though, it seems that they didn't hear it. Or more correctly, Enoch had kept the statment privet between himself and Magnus.

Magnus wants to cry, he wants to so bad, but he can't anymore. He's too tired, his body is too tired and his soul is too tired. "Please," he croaks out, facing, head down, the shadowhunters that have circled Alec, somehow protectively. "Just- just come back tomorrow." He asks, because he can barley handle his own roller coaster of emotions at the moment, and he know he can't have three more heartbroken teenagers on his mind, too.

Jace opens his mouth to object, but Clary shuts him up with a hand on his shoulder. "Let them rest, we'll come tomorrow." She whispers to him, sympathetically. With that, the three of them make their way to Magnus door, and through it. The whole while, Magnus kept his head down, throat burning with unshed tears. Now that he can't use magic on him, Magnus carries Alec to bed with exhausted hands and lays down beside him after he covers him up with a warm blanket. Alec sighs in his sleep and Magnus throat tightens as he smiles sadly and fondly. At least, both of them can have a bit of peace now. Magnus crawled under the covers and snuggles close to Alec. Of course sleep takes its time to actually overcome Magnus, and Magnus feels more and more tired as time passes. He tries to take comfort in the rises and falls of Alec's chest, but it's not quite enough.

He lays awake for more hours than he likes, but eventually, the exhaustion was too much for his body and he fell asleep against Alec's beating heart.

But when Magnus wakes up, the lovely Rethym is gone, and Magnus finds himself alone in the large bed. He straightens up immediately, "Alec?" Is the first thing to come out of his mouth. But the second he's met with nothing but silence in reply, he knows something's wrong. He gets up from bed. Trying to force the screams of concern in his mind to quiet down as he searched the apartment quickly. And then again. And again.

Nothing.

Not in the bathroom or kitchen or balcony.

Alec is gone.

 **Hi again! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Wanted to say once again, sorry for not updating sooner, but that doesn't mean I can't be a tiny bit evil and give a little hangcliff. I'll do my best to update on time for next chapter so I don't leave you hanging for too long. :)**


	8. Chapter 8: Let Me Help You

**Helli again :)**

 **I know I'm late again and I'm sorry for that. I really don't want to waste your time with excuses, so I just hope you can forgive me and enjoy anyway. This chapter is kinda short in contrast to the ither ones, but I really couldn't continue from there at this point and didn't want to keep you waiting. So sorry for that too.**

 **Disclaimer; I don't owe these lovely smol beans. Cassandra Clare does.**

Chapter 8: Let Me Help You

When he woke up, Jace didn't notice the absent feeling. At lease, not until Isabelle burst into the kitchen of the institute when he was drinking his coffee, panic painted on her face and voice trembling, "Alec is missing."

Alec is missing.

Up until this moment, Jace never thought three words could turn his world upside down in matter of seconds.

Three words he feared the most without knowing it. Jace put down his coffe and said the word that first came to his mind, "Shit,"

Then he felt it. The hollow feeling he somehow hadn't noticed. That feeling you get when you know something is missing but you just don't know _what._ He put his palm against his _parabatai_ rune as the realization hit him like a train. He can't feel Alec. _"Shit!"_

Jace got up from the kitchen table and snatched the phone from Izzy's hand, which she was about to put back to her ear. Knowing already who it was on the other side.

"What do you mean, he's missing?!" Jace half screamed, putting blame and anger into the small sentence, even if deep inside, he knew Magnus wasn't to blame.

Magnus's voice came a second after,

"I mean he's gone, and I can't track him." He's voice too, was full with anger, fear and blame. Though if it all was pointed at himself, or Magnus, Jace wasn't sure.

Jace took two quick breathes and toned down his voice, panicking wasn't going to help.

"What did you use?" Jace asked, hoping that Alec left anything important to track himself with.

"Shirts, his phone, anything I could put my hands on. Nothing works, it's as if something is blocking him." Magnus finished and took a deep breath, his panic was clear in his voice, even though he tried to hide it. Jace closed his eyes, and opened them to see Isabelle looking at him, closely and worriedly.

"Well?" She asked, her voice uncharacteristically small. Instead of answering, Jace put his attention back on his _parabatai_ rune, his hand still holding it.

"I can't feel him, either," Jace said, he heard Magnus's breath shudder and was about to say they're coming over when Clary walked into the kitchen, hands clutching her phone and her eyes wide with fear. Both Jace's and Izzy's eyes fell on her as she walked over to them, hurriedly.

"Jace," Clary's voice shook as she whispered, and Jace gave Isabelle the phone back, taking the other one from Clary. He looked at it hesitantly, before putting up to his ear. What he heard next didn't not come as much of a surprise, but it still felt like a kick to the gut.

"Jonathan," Valentine said, "how have you been?" His voice was calm and natural. But Jace could feel the mischievousness drip from it, like bitter wine.

"Valentine." Jace rasped, his throat felt dry. "Where is he?"

"Oh?" Jace rolled his eyes at the innocent sound."Who ever do you mean, son?"

"You know exactly who I'm talking about, you bastard! He better be in one piece or by the Angel I'll rip you're guts ou-" Jace small outburst, who startled both Izzy and Clary, who were staring fearfully, was cut off by a maniac laugh from the other line.

"Well, I did find little Lightwood here. But he isn't much of a Lightwood anymore. Not much of anything anymore, to be honest." Valentine's voice danced with amusement, and Jace felt his face getting redder with every single word.

"What did you do to him?!" Jace was practically shouting at this point.

"Oh, nothing!" Valentine stuck with the innocent act. "I found him alone, on the street. Poor boy is out of his mind. Really Jace, what kind of _parabatai_ let's his brother wander alone in such a state?"

Jace laughed without humor. "Don't you try and teach me about _parabtai._ Remeber the one you sent off to _kill himself?"_

Valentine returned the laugh. His was full of humor, however.

"Tell me where he is, tell me and I won't kill you. Tonight." Jace demanded, all the laughter dead.

"Track him at midnight and meet me there. Bring Clarissa, no one else, or he dies." And the phone call ended.

Jace pulled the phone from his ear and looked at it for a second, before his hand tightened around it and he threw it across the kitchen table to the wall with a growl. It shattered to pieces, flying all over the room, making both Izzy and Clary flinch. Jace looked at both their scared expressions, and sighed. "Get dressed, Clary prepare your gear, Iz tell Magnus we're on our way." And with that said, he pushed past both of them and walked out of the kitchen. Leaving their sad eyes trailing him until he disappeared behind the door.

When the three got to Magnus, he was furious. He looked awful, not dressed, his hair a pile of black mess, his eyes sad and scared with dark rings under them. He had no patience and forcefully pulled the three teenagers in from his door, demanding explanations. They sat around in his living room and Jace told them what Valentine said on the phone. Both Isabelle and Magnus got worked up about the fact that only Jace and Clary could go. But Jace quickly reminded them what they were dealing with.

"It's Valentine we're meeting, remember? Glamour, magic, tricks, whatever it is you think will fool him, it won't. He'll know if we're alone and if we're not. It's Alec's life we're risking, and I won't do it. You're _not_ coming."

It didn't mean they had to like it. Magnus got more upset then he already was, and it wasn't pretty. Isabelle was on the verge of crying when he crashed a vase full of dead flowers on the floor, while Clary already had tear trucks on her cheeks.

This day was the slowestday Jace has ever lived. Waiting for midnight to come, he already debated throwing himself off the roof, just to feel like time was moving. Just to feel that anything was moving at all. Every minute felt like an hour. Every movement felt like slow motion. It was horrendous.

When midnight finally came, Jace put all of his focus on his _parabatai_ rune and waited to feel Alec. It was the longest minute of his life, but it came. He felt him, it was like a block has been lifted and he could finally feel him, and, boy, all the pain. Jace gasped has it all crashed down on him. Fear, sadness, rage, confusion, and _so much pain._ Jace crumpled in on himself as he registered the mess he felt from the rune. Clary reached to hold him so he won't fall off the couch from the sudden movement.

"I feel him." Jace gasped "I know where he is."

••••••••••

"They'll be here soon, so I need you on your best."

"What are they coming for?"

"For you, of course."

"What do they want with me?"

"We went over this Alec. They think they can help you. But you know I'm the only one able to save you, don't you?"

"Yes, Master Valentine. I do."


	9. Chapter 9: Hold Me a Bit Tighter

**I'm really sorry.**

 **Disclaimer; Would I be arrested if I said I own everything?**

Chapter 9: Hold Me A Bit Tighter

The first thing Jace noticed when he entered the warehouse is that it wasn't dark. In fact, it looked normal. It was lit with lamps and decorated with dark wood, clean furniture. Not ruined and abanded like most of the warehouses he walked into. It looked alomst like somebody has been living there.

The second thing he noticed, is that it was empty of people.

"Alec?" Jace echoed. This is exactly where they tracked him, Jace was sure, and he could feel his _parabatai_ rune stronger the more he and Clary got closer.

"Are you sure this is the place, Jace?" Asked Clary.

"Yes, positive." Said Jace. But Clary could see he was less confident than he sounded.

"Well, we already know it's a trap, so he's just streching the game, getting us impatient. Stay calm Jace, okay? No matter what state Alec's in."

All Jace could do was nod slightly. Clary was right. No matter how bad Alec was going to look, he must stay calm. Not let his emotions get in the way.

But then Valentine came in,

 _without_ Alec at all.

All words about calm got forcfully thrown our of Jace's head, and he raised he seraph blade menacingly towrds his not-much of a father. Clary following suit.

"You really mustn't smile," Jace barked at Valentine's awful grin. "It's such a disgrace. Probably scared the rats off."

All that got out of Valentine is a wider grin, full of rows of perfect white teeth.

"Is that anyway to say hello to your father, son?" Said Valentine after a moment. When Jace's response remaind a rageful frown, Clary took a step forward, seraph blade raised,

"Where is he? Why isn't he here?" She said.

"Oh, little dear Alec is right around the corner," Valentine tunred his hand to the door he came through. "The question is, did you bring what I wanted?"

"What _did_ you want?" Asked Clary, "you never said."

"Well, wasn't it obvious? I want the cup."

There was a minute of deafening silence. Nobody was surprised, of course, but it still filled both the young shadowhunters with rage.

"I want to see him first." Said Jace, breakig the forever streching silence.

"Of course." Said Valentine, before clicking his fingers and yelling. "Roger!"

A door opened, and out came a large man, pushing a wheelchair. In the wheelchair, tied up and bloodied, was Alec. His head was slumped before him, and Jace couldn't see his face. The man—Roger–came to a stop beside Valentine, Alec right infront of him.

With a tight face, Jace made to walk over to them, but stopped when Clary put her hand on his arm, pulling slightly with an apologetic face.

"The Cup?" Said Vlaentine, putting his on Alec's slumped shoulder, just for the tease, Clary suspected.

"We don't have it." Said Jace, his voice like ice that is about to break. "The Clave does, and the Clave doesn't know about this."

"Ah, well," Valentine grinned. "then we simply can't make the exchange."

"No, you see, there is no _exchange._ There is you, giving me back my brother, which you rudely stole and messed up!" Jace shouted the last part, making Clary flinch. But Valentine did not badge. Instead, he put his hand on Alec's huanched neck, and pulled it backwards, this way Alec's face was visible for both Jace and Clary. In all it's beaten, bloody, and very awake glory.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It's been an hour and 20 minutes since Jace and Clary left. But it felt like time has decided to be a jerk and slow down, making every hour feel like two, and every minute feel like an hour.

At first Isabelle thought the fancy clock in Magnus's apartment was broken, having showed only an hour passed, but soon realized all the clocks said the same thing. It didn't help make the waiting more bearable. Izzy sighed and got up from her couch, looking around for something to do. Magnus had said he was going to take a shower, even though she suspected he didn't really, and disappeared behind his and Alec's bedroom door about half an hour ago.

Besides walking to the kitchen, back to the living room, and kitchen again, Isabelle found nothing to do. Still, she was determineded not to sit back on the couch, fidget and stare at the almost unmoving clock. Instead she wondered to other parts of the house, until she found Chairman Meow sulking around somewhere, picked him up and carried him back to the couch to sit in her lap.

"You smell of sandalwood, you know?" Izzy cooed, "they probably force it on you without your knowledge, those lunatics." Chairman mewod softly as she scratched behind his ears. She looked at the clock. 18 minutes passed, which means it's been almost two hours. She wondered what's going on with Magnus since it's almost been an hour since she last seen him. Slowy, Izzy put Chairman down and stalked in to Magnus's bedroom.

The water was on, she could hear the taps the drops made when they hit the concrete from behind the door. She knocked on the door. "Magnus?"

It took a minute for the reply to come, "I want to be alone, Isabelle."

Izzy leaned her forehead on the door, sighing, listening to the taps of the water,

"But I don't."

Silence. Of course, he wouldn't reply. A sudden feeling of selfishness came over Isabelle, she didn't want to make Magnus feel like she was forcing him to comfort her, Alec was as important to him as he was to her. _Is, Isabellle. Not was. He's gonna come back._

As she was turning from the door, it opened.

She turned to see a tear eyed Magnus, standing in the clothes he wore when he enetered the bathroom.

Not showered, just sad.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I keep forgetting I'm not the only one that's worried."

"I know," she replied. "It's okay. It's just that I can't be alone right now, my mind won't stop thinking about everything." She paused at Magnus's sympathetic eyes, "I just need a distraction."

Magnus went inside the bathroom and turned off the shower, leaving the lone taps of falling drops to fill the silence of the room before coming back and shutting the door behind him. He then took Isabelle's hand, smiled sadly, and lead her to the couch. They sat down, and Magnus clicked his fingeres, making a pair of hot chocos to appear at the small coffee table. Izzy took one happily, and nestled down comfortably.

"He's going to be okay, I know it." Magnus said, as he took his own cup and nestled beside her. "We're all going to be okay."

Izzy sipped her choco and sniffed. "I hope so,"

there was a pause, but the Magnus turned to her. "How about, you tell me some stories about him when you guys were younger?" He suggested, and she cocked her head slightly to the side, thinking about it.

"Oh, I've got a good one," she said after a moment, "Did you see the really small, faint scars on the right side of his neck?" Magnus nodded. "Well, one time, Church was..."

Magnus happily listened to what she had to say, because at that moment, he realized he didn't want to be alone, not really. So they talked. It didn't make time go faster, they still had to wait. But in a better way.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Hehehe," he laughed feebly. His eyes rolling to the bottom, eyelids falling halfway with his head swaying from one side to the other.

"Oh, sorry," His voice was hoarse. Like he had been screaming for hours, and was left with no energy to breath properly. His all body slugged while he didn't even bother to close his mouth after he finished speaking. The only thing that kept him from falling limp in his chair again was Valentine's strong grip on the back of neck. "Have you come to rescue me?" On a better look, you could see his mouth was swollen and chopped dry from biting, which is the reason he talked weird.

"Alec?"

"Mmhm?" He wasn't even looking at him, he was looking on the ground, like he couldn't bring him self to roll his eyes upward.

Jace was not in a good place. He currently stood opposite to his biggest enemy, which also happened to be his father, holding his brother captive. All the while his brother looked like he has lost his last grip on reality, blood running down his nose, mixing with drool and dirt. The only thing keeping him from exploding into a fit of psychotic rage was the grip of Clary's little hand on his arm, which barely did the job as it is.

Jace was shaking, his face was hot like it was burning from the inside, and all he could think of is chopping Valentine's head off. But he knew, in the depth of his mind, that his father wasn't stupid, and there were probably a ton more of "Rogers" lurking around somewhere close.

"Well?" Valentine's cold voice achoed somewhere in the distance, but Jace couldn't respond, all of his focus went to Alec's unmoving eyes.

But then he heard something else, too. A very small, very worried, " _Jace?_ "

 _"Jace wake up. Are you okay? I found you lying here, what happened?"_

 _"Alec?"_

 _"Yes, are you okay? "_

 _"I think so,"_

 _"What happened, why are you here?"_

 _"I.. I went out, I wanted to think about something, alone. I think I passed out."_

 _"Yeah, it seems like it. Was it bad?"_

 _"What was bad?"_

 _"What you wanted to think about,"_

 _"Oh, no, nothing like that. Just.. a thought."_

 _"Okay, do you want to talk about it?"_

 _"Well.. I guess I need to, actually."_

 _"Okay, but let's get you inside first, it's freezing."_

 _"Okay."_

That was the day Jace asked Alec to be his parabatai. That was the day Alec said yes. That was the day both Alec and Jace became the closest they ever could. The day they tied themselves with a bond neither could brake. The day both promised something to each other, something big. The day they promised they'll fight together until death, that they'll watch over each other until death, but care and love each other while living. That was the day that turned Jace's life around, that was the first day he let anyone in.

And he was _not_ about to lose it all now.

Jace moved like lightning. Nobody saw it, not even Valentine. In less then a flash, Roger was coughing blood on the ground. Valentine lost his grip on Alec's neck and Alec's head fell down, while Alec started laughing weakly again. Clary's grip on her seraph blade became tighter with every second that passed. In another flash Valentine was on the ground, Jace on top of him, seraph blade on the ready to cut his throat.

"Don't. Move. A. Muscle." Jace gritted out. "Youv'e already cross my red line, I will not hesitate to cut your throat and laugh while you bleed out."

"Ah," Valentine smile, regardless the tiny amount of blood already dripping from a small cut on his neck. "But then how will you save your dear Lightwood?"

"You'll tell me right now."

"You can't."

The seraph blade went slightly deeper into Valentine's neck. "You're lying!" He barked with a handful amount of viscousness.

"Now, why would I do that?"

"Because you're a sadistic piece of mutated shit, and you won't let anything go while you can watch your own son suffer, not even for your life."

"Oh, but haven't I already?" Valentine grinned, and Jace paused.

"What?"

"Did you think you really could save him that night? Haven't you learned a thing? I _let_ you take him. I let you feel scared and helpless, so you and your happy family can see what I'm capable of. What I'm willing to do to get that stinking cup, and that you _can not stop me."_

Blood spluttered everywhere, as the seraph blade went into the neck and out in one swift movement. Somewhere in the background Jace heard Clary gasp, but it didn't reach his thoughts. In a split second he was at Alec's side, taking his face with his bloodied hands and turning it to face him. Alec's eyes was still rolling to the ground every time he moved, if not for the weak laughter, Alec would look dead.

"Alec, hey," Jace tried to get his eyes to meet his own, but they just kept lolling back down. Alec completely lost it. Jace wanted to scream, shout and yell his frustration and fear when all Alec did was laugh meekly with a crazy look, but couldn't, as just at that moment, a few men burst into the warehouse, all big and armed with swords. Jace looked over to where Valentine's dead body was a second ago. All that was left was a pathetic small pile of ashes. Of course. It was probably some sort of a shape shifting demon. Why would Valentine risk getting here by himself? He was always smarter than that.

Jace got up and ran in between Clary and the six, or seven men that were now heading towards the trio, swords swinging. "How fast can you make a portal?!" He shouted. Clary didn't get to answer the question, though, as Jace took on three guys, flinging his seraph blade everywhere to get them away from his girlfriend. It didn't matter. Clary ran over to Alec, grabbed the wheelchair and ran to the room Roger had come from, closing the door and as quick as possible drew a locking rune on it. It wouldn't hold for much time, but she prayed for just enough.

Alec's laugh became noticbly louder as Clary ran to the nearest wall, starting a portal rune, his body was shaking and he mumbled things, too.

"You can't save yourself,"

"They're smart,"

"Too late,"

"Demons, ehehheh, and more demons,"

 _"They'll eat you alive,"_

He didn't sound like himself in the least.

Clary did her best to block him out, but she couldn't stop tears from spilling out of her eyes. The men were still fighting Jace outside, but she could hear them banging on the door too. She was terrified, and angry and and scared, so she used it all to draw the fastest portal rune she ever did.

The wall exploded into bright yellow and orange, and in the center, black. Clary was never happier to see a portal in her life. She ran over to Alec, grabbed the wheelchair, focused immensely hard on imagining Magnus's living room, and practically threw the wheelchair into the portal.

And he was gone. And it was quit for a second. Clary turned away from the portal, just as the last bang from the other side of the door was heard, and it crashed down, revealing three men, behind them another four, lying motionless on the floor with blood covering them like paint. And in the arms of the man in the middle, was Jace, bloody and limp.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

With all of his past experience, Magnus was never expecting a portal to pop out of the blue. Not in his living room, anyway. It shouldn't have happened, he had wards everywhere and for everything. Nothing happened for so long. He felt safe.

But seeing Alec, flying from the other side of the portal in a wheelchair, laughing hysterically, almost sent Magnus into a cardiac arrest.

It took him no time to get to the wheelchair and stop it from toppling over, with Alec tied to it tighter than necessary. He fell down in one knee to look Alec in the face, but all he could see was his laughing mouth. He looked up to the portal, expecting to see a redhead and a golden boy, jumping right after Alec, but nothing happened. Instead, he saw Isabelle, who must have expected the same thing, run to the portal, not a second glance at her brother.

"Isabelle!" He called, but her body had already disappeared into the waving mess of yellow.

Looking back at Alec, Magnus debated quickly if he should stay with Alec or follow Izzy's steps. However, before he could make a decision, the portal started to close.

So, deciding to stay with Alec, he started working on the ropes that tied his boyfriend to the chair, whispering reassurances of "it's going to be okay," and "you're safe now," though they were lost in Alec's laughter, which he forcefully tried to ignore.

It took ages. The ropes wouldn't come off, Magnus had to use magic to make them more movable. Yet he tried to keep it minimal, in case he had to use more magic on more pressing matters, later. Finally, he got Alec out of the chair, and onto the couch.

By the time he was lying still on the couch and Magnus started working on his wounds, Alec's laugh had died down. All he was doing now was stare at the ceiling in wonder, as if they held the secrets of life. Magnus was more than panicked. Like Jace, the heavy realization that Alec had completely lost it, wasn't easy for him to conceal. He pushed his thoughts out of the way so he could focuse on healing Alec's wounds, which, to his surprise, were less mild than he thought they would be.

Magnus worked for about ten minutes when he started to get worried for the others, too.

He didn't know what was on the other side of the portal, and that left about a million possible situations to go through his mind, half of which ended in brutal deaths. Just as he was about to search for something of Izzy's to track, another portal opened, he didn't know what was to come out of it, so in pure instinct, Magnus stood infront of Alec's body on the couch and readied himself for battle.

To say that it was a huge relief to see two tired and bloody teenage girls carrying a golden haired one was a huge relief, would be an understatement.

 **Hello my dear readers. I want to apologize deeply for taking about 489 years to update. I have my reasons but you don't care for my excuses, you want Malec! We all do, loves, we all do. Anyway, I hope that this slightly longer chapter pleases you. Honestly I'm not share about it, so I'd love to hear what you have to say. Also please don't torch me alive for the late update :) sorry for any mistakes and have a great day/night.**


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